An option to listen to my blogpost, instead of reading
I realize it has been a while since I’ve written on my blog. And all of the writing tends to be about leadership, the MBA and the reparenting part. So much has changed in just a span of 3 months—I have been busy reinventing myself and rediscovering who I am as a person.
So this post is about me, and not some mature thoughts written across my blog. Not the posts that went through days of editing because of my perfectionism so it sounded more neutral.
Being woo-woo, I have always believed in the power of the Universe, that there are no coincidences in life, and that we are meant to cross paths with those who are meant to stay in our lives. On a planned morning hike, we woke up late and arrived later than we had planned. Little did we know we would get to meet two amazing human beings because of this occurrence.
One is filled with buzzing life energy and full-on confidence that I admire, whilst the other has a mysterious aura around her. Both are very kind souls. Long story short, we ended up spending the entire hike together, plus a night out together (with some funny story) and the other night with a snack at a rooftop garden until security shushed us out. We had great conversations, the very rare ones you don’t find many of in the current generation.
Our new friend asked me a very reflective question: “What would be the current mindset that you are transforming?”
I gave it some thought: “The fear of being seen—of fully expressing myself in all my glory.”
To make this more relatable to my regular readers, in my own experience growing up as an Asian, I didn’t want to be seen. I would rather hide in the corner. I preferred not to stand out and to let the team win. I preferred to fit into the mold and tried to hide parts of myself growing up. In social settings, I feel I was expected to behave and have proper manners. That carried over into work, where speaking up could be something to dread, and sometimes I am known as the woman of few words.
On the contrary, I am someone with a big sassy personality, a strong mindset, a huge vision and crazy ideas. I grew up asking questions like “What is the meaning of life?” and “Is life only about working and looking forward to your next vacation?” and many more. Moving up the career ladder, mixing my inner personality with society’s expectations—I used to be known as a tough manager with a “my way or the highway” attitude. Then I changed my ways and was told I was too soft, and I finally found my balance.
All these years, I was trying to meet other people’s expectations. I realize my cultural programming and their expectations are becoming my beliefs. Shortening my name because it is easier for people to pronounce. Making myself smaller so I don’t shine too brightly. Hiding my woo-woo part because it is quite unusual in the corporate realm. Postponing my blog ideas and crazy video course ideas just because I am scared of what other people may think. I reorganized myself to fit into the mold so that it would be easier for people to relate to me. Only the people closest to me get the VVIP version of me.
Well, what if all of us aren’t meant to fit the mold? What if our purpose in life is found when we decide to fully express ourselves? What if the answer is within us, and the more we find clarity, the more grounded we become?
And yes, the skill of being relatable is important when we want to merge different thoughts and expressions—but that is another part of communication skills. We could always learn that.
Fully expressing ourselves in all our glory—that is important. I have decided to stop editing and put the full draft out there.
We are all pieces of art.
It is time to stop learning and start embodying and intregrating our whole selves.
And I feel a bit embarrassed that I haven’t embodied what I stand for at Wholisticallyme—but I guess that is part of the journey. You are only getting deeper into the rabbit hole. At least one thing remains the same, I am writing this as I am progressing through life not from the finish line.
Well I am now curious about you. What stops you from embodying the brightest and shiniest version of you?
So, to our two new friends, thank you—your friendship has become a testament to and a final validation of my current season. Cheers to fully expressing ourselves!